Week 2: Resolving Interpersonal/Intercultural Conflict (Post
#1)
This post will be based on the relationship between my
mother and me. As some may know, I have a passion for cars and have the
privilege to drive a Japanese legend, the Subaru Impreza WRX STI. It is true
that owners of such Japanese sports cars love to modify, or ‘zhng’, the car
according to their taste, such as to develop more horsepower, to make the car
look better (stance) in terms of its visual appearance, or to enhance the car’s
bassy boxer burble from the exhaust. It is also true that I do subscribe to
this view.
However, it seems that my mother is not exactly receptive
about the concept of modifying the car. According to her, I shouldn’t do it as
I would be “wasting my money”. However, my argument against this is that since
we already own the car, coming up with a small amount of money to buy nice
parts would value add more to the cost of the car. In my evaluation, the
benefit of being able to drive a nicer car more than outweighs the cost of
doing it. In addition, having a nicely modified car makes me proud as it
represents the freedom we have in modern society.
The problem comes when I want to modify a certain part of
the car. For example, take the spoiler. The standard high-mount spoiler has a
very factory-look, and is unsuitable with my plans of having a race-car look.
Thus, I wanted to put on a GT wing at the back of the car, which also had the
benefit of reducing weight. My mom, as usual, objects to this by saying I would
spend too much money and would attract attention from the authorities.
 | ||
| This is what the GT wing looks like, from the rear. Love that overhead bridge look! This was taken late late last year at Edge Tuning, on the day I collected the car with the wing. |
I tried to explain to her that it was legal and the cost was
actually not as much as she feared, but every time I approached her, she would
just stop the whole debate by throwing a temper and shouting. Since I had no
avenue to advance my interest, I decided to act on my own. There was an online
seller selling the wing, so I met him and bought it off him without the
permission of my mom. I then brought the wing back (it was in the dead of the
night), showed it to my mom and left it in the storeroom. The thinking behind my action was that if I had already bought the wing, there was nothing much she could do about it.
Of course, she wasn’t exactly very pleased about it.
However, since I had already bought the wing, she chose to control herself and
warned me about making sure it was legal. Since it was, I just had to go down
to the workshop to fix it a few days later.
Now, my question to you guys is this: What would you have
done in my position, assuming you really wanted to put the wing on the car?
I think one possible reason your mother disallowed you to modify your car (exhaust, wings etc) might be due to the fact that she dis not have good experience with drivers with modified cars (loud engine sounds) and the dangers they pose or because she felt you could have beter spend the money on more useful stuffs.
ReplyDeleteAdditionally, she could have felt that way because you did not express your thoughts to her on how you would feel better and the other benefits )if any) if you get to drive in your modified car according to your preference.
One possible way I would have done if I were in your shoes was to find a right time i.e. when she is in a good mood, and explain to her why you would want to modify your car and nicely ask for her permission to do so, since it is always easier to communicate with people when they are in good mood. Try not to insist on your way as she might find you even more aggressive and rude and there will never be a way I could have gotten the wings for the car.
Hi Wei Ni,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment!
I do try to find the ideal time to approach her, for example, I usually wait until she's in a good mood before I approach her about such subjects. However, it seems that she is totally unwilling to deviate from her view about modifying cars.
Thus, since I cannot get her to compromise (eg. reward for good results etc), in this situation I did not bother about her permission and bought myself the wing as a reward for my hard work last semester! :D
It seems to me that you have already solved the problem, Bryan. You have the spoiler, it's on the car. Your mother seems to have backed off.
ReplyDeletePerhaps a better question would be for you to ask your readers about future plans: What approach should Bryan take if he wants to make further modifications and still stay on the good side of his mother?
Well from what you said, it seemed that your mother did not really attempt to understand your perspective on car modification, possibly stemming her own skewed opinions on car modification. Maybe communicating to her more would have helped, it would be easier to resolve issues on her side if you knew exactly what they were after all.
ReplyDeleteRegarding your move to buy the wing of your own accord. things really could have turned out in much worse fashions than her acceptance, count yourself lucky I would have never been able to get away with it with my own parents!!
Hi Bryan! Hahaha oh gosh, you are just like my brother. My brother used to own a Subaru Impreza WRX too, but in white. he also went to modify his car, with the wing, modifications on the bumper, suspension (not too sure.. not really a car fanatic) and he also went on to install a super huge exhaust. However, of course, my mother totally disapproved of it but he still went on to do it! My mother's stance, too, was that it was a waste of money, which was why my brother started saving up to continue modifying his car. If I were you, I would do the same thing as my brother, which is to save up and use my own money to pay for the wing so my mom cant complain :)
ReplyDeleteHi Brad!
ReplyDeleteAye, that would definitely be a better question, and it is a question I need to ask myself too, now that I have made future plans!
It would be nice if you guys could suggest some possible ways forward, haha (:
Zach: Thanks for comment, I will try to communicate more to her and bring across my point that it is the motivation to strive for good results for future modifications!
Chloe: Hahaha omgg I can be good friends with your brother! Can you link me up with him so we can discuss "zhnging" together? XD On a more serious note, my mom actually disapproves of me spending savings on the car. So the best solution I can think of is...to ask others to buy "birthday gifts" for me! *hint hint* LOL
Hi Bryan!
ReplyDeleteI shall have the honour to comment on your language used! :D
Generally, good language used! Personally I think the tone and the words used were very appropriate. There's also good sentence structure and connectors to show the linkage between the sentences and to aid the flow of your post.
However, I noticed that you used some words repeatedly within a paragraph. For instance, you used the word "however" twice in the first three sentences of the second paragraph. There's also a slight error in the fourth paragraph which states "by throwing a temper". I think you meant "her temper" instead of "a temper".
Other than all those mentioned, good job! No glaring grammatical errors and your post is very easy to comprehend. :)
Anyway, just to comment on your question, I think I might have acted the same way as you given your scenario. But of course, we have to admit that definitely isn't the best way to be handling such issues. I still think your repeated efforts to convince your mother is commendable! It shows the respect you have towards her and at least you considered her opinions before making decisions. Either way, avoid such scenarios because you never know when it will give your mother a heart attack! :)
Hi ChowChow!
ReplyDeleteI feel honoured to have you having the honour of commenting on my language :D
Regarding the word "however", yups! You are sharp to catch it! Thanks! I didn't notice it myself lolx
For the "temper" part, what was in my mind was more of "tantrum", however, that did not seem to be the correct word in this case so I switched it to "temper". I'm not very sure, but does the phrase "throw a temper" exist?
Thanks for feedback though! :D